Anonymous Sex. Good or bad?

I guess I can speak from both personal and professional experience, but I find myself lost.

Was working with someone who told me her only way to orgasm was through one-night stands or online anonymous hookups. The obvious dangers are rape, death, and STDS. However, the social and emotional impact seems to be the problem for her.

What do you all think?

Is the “hotness” of anonymity just another fetish or do we face a serious intimacy problem?

What exactly is gay pride?

Hey all!

This may cause me some grief from more sensitive individuals out there on the web, but i’m okay with that.

I’m wondering…what does everyone mean by gay pride? I’m in a homosexual relationship (identify as bisexual) and I don’t quite “get” what I should be proud of. Obviously, my history–including growing up in a Christian town spewing acceptance for 18 years of my life–makes me think, “Well shouldn’t we all be proud of our relationships?” 

I understand that alternative sexualities have met with great resistance from most cultures since the invention of “writing.” Therefore, I can see why it feels momentous when gay rights legislation gets past or some major figure in the LGBTQIA community positively impacts the world.

The most confusing part of gay pride for me is the so-called gay pride parades and celebrations. The few i’ve been too and the many i’ve read about and heard about from others it sounds more like gay pride is gay shame. I’ve both witnessed and heard about gay pride events wherein people are drunk beyond their limits, engaging in high risk sex, and using illegal/dangerous drugs. Mind you, this group of people is probably smaller than I imagine…however, it’s seems like a pretty big deal if you go to SF Bay, NYC, LA, San Diego, and other major cities. On the one hand you could liken it to when college kids celebrate their football team winning and everyone “parties.” But, from my experience it seems maybe a little more out of hand at gay pride parades/parties. My gut tells me something’s up.

The other thing that sticks out about same gay pride events is the accentuation of the less accepted/more seemingly “fetishy” aspects of queer culture. I’m all for self expression, but why can’t people walk around in their leather gear, harnesses, feathers, and costumes during the day? I’d assume it’s because of shame and feeling unaccepted. If their fetish or form of sexual self-expression is so “unacceptable” then why, essentially, shove it in the face of the media where all the angry conservatives or confused masses can see it? Seems like it adds to the whole “we’re different than you” dynamic that the gay rights agenda is trying to promote through legislative and social change campaigns. Gay pride parades often feel like a huge middle finger, but that is just me and my perception.

Again, none of this has been said with the intent of shaming anyone on the LGBTQIA spectrum. I’m simply curious and confused. I would love tons of feedback and opinions about this! I’m looking forward to learning from you all on the web!

 

Feeling Lost

I’m not a big fan of U2; however, I found myself drawn to an older song of theirs. Having just ended one chapter of my life at a job I’ve taken some time to take stock of where am I’m at and my motivations in life. 

The same goes for my sexual identity. As a young male in California I find that I can always be exploring new aspects of my identity, even with simple flirting. It’s interesting to see how my attitudes and beliefs about sex have changed since I started this blog, but have I found what I’m looking for? I don’t know.

Your brain on sex?

Good evening all!

I found an interesting article on sex and the brain. These 10 facts about sexual pleasure, arousal, attraction, and what parts of the brain are involved tickled my nerdy side a little and enlightened me as well.

 

What stood out the most of the ten ideas about sex and the brain were numbers 4 and 5 (although number 6 was hilarious), which discussed the evolutionary idea of sex as a bonding tool. Surprisingly, they phrased the idea of being emotionally/romantically attached to someone as “getting stuck.” This seems somewhat negative, though maybe that’s not what the author intended.

Take a read, let me know what you all think!

Sex and Feelings Survey

Hey all!

 

As an explorer of sexuality I often find that sex can serve many purposes. Sex can be a way for us to have fun. Or, it can be a means for building closeness in our relationships.

 

Sometimes…we use sex in ways that we may not like to admit. However, I think it’s important for us to be aware of when we’re having sex in ways that might hurt us. So, i’ve created a little survey to see how we’re all doing. I took it myself, so i’m part of this with “yall.” Everything is confidential.

 

I would appreciate everyone’s participation, so we can all learn together!

 

Survey link: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/DBVX5LL 

Celebrating Independence

Happy almost Fourth of July bloggers!

 

I’m sure many posts on here will explore how independence has impacted their lives and whatnot, but for me I’m all about sex. So, let’s talk about sexual independence!

 

On the one hand, with the increasing acceptance of homosexuality in the United States, removal of sodomy laws, and efforts to legalize prostitution and ensure the health of sex workers in multiple industries (i.e., pornography and prostitution) it would seem as if sexuality is gaining some freedom here in the west…On the other hand, fetishism, transsexuality, and various other forms of sexual self-expression are still being met with a great deal of resistance. But why?

 

I believe that stigma about the assumed psychological instability and “moral badness” of less accepted forms of sexual self-expression are guiding the way in which society at large deals with people they do not understand or do not agree with. Even within myself! For example…

 

“Scat play” is a fetish that I admittedly do not know much about or have any experience with personally. It is a form of arousal and gratification that I believe to be potentially dangerous due to some of the less obvious health risks (see what I found). Although I know that most people who engage in this fetish probably are not voraciously eating feces, it’s a risk that seems too dangerous to me, which is a bias that reinforces the stigma associated with this particular fetish! This signifies a lack of mindfulness on my part…so the solution is…be more mindful i suppose. 

 

Sex is great! And here in the West we have a great deal of freedom to express our sexual selves in many forms. On this Independence Day, however, I hope that we all can appreciate our freedoms and take stock of our biases that may still inhibit (directly or indirectly) the freedoms of others.

 

 

Sex and Drugs, but not Rock & Roll

Sex and Drugs, but not Rock & Roll

Hey all,

 

I found an article from Time‘s webiste posted last year talking about the relationship between drug use and number of sexual partners. Granted the study was performed in Dunedin, but their culture isn’t terribly disparate from Westerners across the world. Two findings from the study stood out to me the most. First, the increased risk of drug and alcohol addiction was generally greater for women than men who had more sexual partners earlier in life. Why would women be more likely to have multiple partners and increased addiction probability? Aren’t men steroetypically thought of as the “conquerors” and “aggressors” of the sexual world? Maybe the stereotype is the other way around in NZ.

Second, the last comment about having many “short-term” relationships being a likely source of psychological damage seems challenging. I believe it is relatively (i.e., statistically) normal for people to have multiple relationships in their teens and 20’s–being a bisexual male in his 20’s having had multiple relationships over the last 6 years. Given the technology boom, increase in importance on sex and gender norms, and divorce rates I imagine more young people are giving their partner a second thought as compared to life in the 1960’s and 1970’s, though I guess the drug revolution back then in the U.S. might counteract my first thought.

 

Fun stuff!

Pornography and Its Impact on the Industry and Society

Pornography and Its Impact on the Industry and Society

I found the piece to be informative and concerning.

 

Safe sex to promote healthy sex behavior vs. Hedonistic Pleasure for the viewing audience watching unprotected seemed to be the debate. 

 

It was also unfortunate to hear that a bisexual porn star was dubbed “patient zero.”